Only Love Read online

“Nope. Feels kinda—” Jed yawned.

  Max rolled his eyes. Getting a conversation out of Jed after sex was hard work, but he didn’t mind. He settled by his side and watched him doze for a while, his mind still entrenched in the rough six months they’d endured.

  It had taken Jed a while to consent to the experimental surgery. The idea of having a tiny pacemaker fitted in his stomach had, understandably, freaked him out. The minuscule device was designed to help him maintain the diet he needed to be healthy and control the chronic pain and sickness that made him so miserable.

  To Jed, it had sounded too good to be true, and in the beginning, Max had shared his skepticism. How could something so small work such magic?

  But they’d both been wrong… hugely and wonderfully wrong.

  It had been like flicking a switch. Jed got over the surgery and was jogging around the lake two weeks later. In the weeks that followed, real color returned to his cheeks, and Max caught his first glimpse of the fit, agile man who’d been lurking beneath such a debilitating illness.

  Max was staggered. On the one hand, guilt that he’d never realized how sick Jed was until it was almost too late tore at him, but then he’d watch Jed lithely scale the height of the boat shed to replace a rotten panel, and everything else was forgotten. In moments like those, there was no guilt, pain, or fear. Instead there was only awe and wonder at the astounding strength of the man he loved so much.

  Life wasn’t perfect. Jed had days when he could only curl up on the couch in unimaginable pain, but those days were few and far between—a temporary glitch rather than a hard way of living.

  Jed mumbled something. Max ducked to catch the words. “What’s that?”

  There was no response, but Max didn’t mind. They’d come a long way since the bleak days when he’d have given anything for Jed to wake up and utter a word.

  Max lay down and put his head on Jed’s chest, his gaze trained on the sparkling, sunlit water of the lake. The sight was dazzling, and for the first time in a long time, the future looked just as bright.

  JED WOKE to Max’s soft lips on his chest, the tip of his warm wet tongue tracing the scar on his belly, and his strong hands tugging on his hips.

  He opened his eyes as Max slid into him, and sucked in a breath. It burned, but he didn’t care, because sometimes a little pain felt so fucking good.

  He shifted, eager for more. Max followed the silent cue, his gaze hawklike, watching Jed for signs of discomfort.

  There were none. Jed gripped Max’s hips and pulled him closer, taking all of him into his body. Sometimes it bothered him that Max was so cautious, but other times he was grateful. After all, having his leg jammed over his head would hurt like a bitch.

  Max bent and kissed him, distracting him momentarily from the sweet push and slide of his cock inside him, but not for long. Jed pulled away with a breathless gasp. A shudder tore through him, and he dropped his head back on the pillow Max had jammed under his head while he slept.

  “Fuck.”

  As ever when Max topped him, Jed was right on the edge in mere moments. He raised his hips to meet Max’s slow deliberate thrusts, and reached for his cock.

  Max batted his hand away. “I want you to come like this.”

  Jed was powerless beneath the weight of Max’s heated, dark gaze. He gripped the bedframe behind him, desperate for something, anything, to tie him down to the world.

  Max twisted his hips. Sweat broke out over Jed’s chest. On the inside, he screamed. Only Max had ever taken him like this… only Max had ever made him feel like this, so desperate for something he’d yet to understand.

  Only Max.

  “Let it go, baby.”

  The throaty, whispered words and term of tender endearment, used only in moments like these, was all it took. Jed arched his back and came without either one of them ever touching his dick.

  Huh.

  Max followed fast and collapsed on top of him in a careful heap.

  He trembled in Jed’s arms. For a moment, Jed worried, until the wonderful sound of laughter reached his ears. “Somethin’ funny?”

  Max raised his head and shrugged. “I should quit fucking you while I’m ahead. One day, I’m going to come before we’ve even got started.”

  Jed chuckled, but held his tongue. Max didn’t need to know the effect he had on him. Not yet, at least. He’d let him figure it out all on his own.

  He closed his eyes and his mind wandered, recalling the very first time he’d fucked Max. It had happened almost by accident. For months it was something he’d almost been afraid of… afraid of his own recovering body failing him, afraid that the sensation of Max’s beautiful, lithe form writhing beneath him would finish him off for good.

  Then Max had come to find him one day, shirtless, smeared with oil, with an endearing, devilish plan.

  Now Jed couldn’t get enough, and he drifted back to sleep to the lullaby of Max humming and playing with his hair.

  He was alone when he next woke. It figured. Max rarely slept in daylight hours—he had too much energy and it upset his routine. Routine was good for Max; it kept his wayward brain in check.

  The thought sobered Jed as he lay naked in bed. Max had only dropped with a full seizure once since the grand mal in the boat shed, and Glenn had been around to catch him, but the shadow of his condition never went away, even if Max did a stellar job of ignoring it.

  Flo was amazing, and Desta was fast learning to guard Jed as well as Flo did Max, but their combined efforts didn’t keep Jed from worrying. He wanted to take care of Max, to love him and protect him the way he deserved, but how could he if he wasn’t strong enough for both of them?

  He hauled himself out of bed without bothering to ponder an answer. It was a quandary he knew he’d probably have to live with till the end of his days, or at least as long as Max would have him.

  A cool shower called to him. He washed away the grime of a three-day drive and a double round of reunion sex. Then he set about unpacking. Dirty clothes found their way to the hamper and toiletries to the bathroom. When he was done, there were two items left: his cell phone and a sealed envelope.

  He picked up the envelope and frowned. Max had handed over the letters Glenn had given him a few days after he’d come home from the hospital. Endearingly, Max had been worried he’d lose them. Most of them had found their way to the fire at one time or other, considered obsolete. There was no need to tell Dan he was sorry he’d left him, or Belle he wished he’d known her, because those wishes had been fulfilled. But one letter remained: a letter Jed could hardly remember writing, but couldn’t seem to destroy.

  He picked up his cell phone and pressed a speed dial he’d never used. Nick’s voice mail kicked in a moment later. Jed left a message, telling him that he was back in town, and hung up without asking Nick to call back.

  With a heavy sigh, he shoved the envelope in the bottom drawer of his nightstand. His relationship with Nick was bitterly flawed, and probably always would be, but if the past year and his repeated clashes with mortality had taught him anything, it was that the way he felt now perhaps wouldn’t last forever. Nick was deeply entangled in a recovery of his own. Maybe one day they’d meet in the middle.

  Jed’s cell phone buzzed in his hand. He stared at the overseas code and pressed the call button. Who the fuck did he know in Stuttgart?

  “Hello to you too,” Glenn countered. “Miss me already?”

  Jed rolled his eyes. He’d just spent the best part of a month with Glenn on their old military base in Colorado, tying up loose ends. The trip had been an ordeal, and though he loved Glenn like a brother, he wasn’t ready to miss him yet. “Give it another year.”

  “Olivia okay?”

  Jed suppressed a sigh. He’d gone to Phoenix after he and Glenn had finished their work. It had been easier last time, with Max to distract him, but facing Olivia’s grief alone this time around was as heartbreaking as it had ever been. “Seems to be.”

  Glenn let it go. J
ed suspected he knew the reason for the call, and he wasn’t surprised when Glenn cut straight to the point. “I did that digging you asked me about.”

  Jed sat on the edge of his bed. “And?”

  “And I don’t think you have anything to worry about. The case is closed. Lamumba Moore is dead. There’s even a damn grave.”

  Jed let out a long breath. It had felt like a betrayal to divulge Max’s secret to Glenn, but he’d seen too much horrible shit to let it go. He had to know if Max and Kim were at risk. Glenn had worked in Northern Ireland in the eighties, and he still had contacts there. It made sense to ask him to reach out. “What about the hit itself? Where did it come from?”

  “Now that I don’t know… which is good news. From what I can tell, no one had Daniel Moore on their radar. Yeah, he pissed a lot of people off with his do-gooder shit, but not enough to warrant what happened.”

  “So what did happen?”

  “I think it was racial, and opportunistic. The hit wasn’t a clean job, and it was botched from the start. I don’t think they expected the kid to be there, much less put himself between his mother and an iron poker.”

  Jed felt sick, and for once it wasn’t born of a physical defect. “Do you trust your source?”

  “With my life.”

  Jed nodded, though Glenn couldn’t see him. Despite the grave context, coming from Glenn, those three simple words were enough. “So when are you heading to the Med?”

  “My plane leaves in an hour.”

  Jed nodded again, feeling a distinct wave of sadness creep over him. Glenn had taken a job at a rehab facility in Cyprus. The dude was a soldier through and through, and he had chronic itchy feet. Jed missed him more than he cared to admit, but he’d known from the start that Glenn’s presence in his day-to-day life was temporary.

  He owed Glenn a lot. Without him, he’d have spent many, many more nights in the hospital. Glenn had nursed him, bullied him, held his hand and spent long days sitting by his side on the bathroom floor—all the things Jed couldn’t bear to let Max do, least not as often as the need arose.

  “So I guess I’ll see you….”

  “Soon, dude. Soon. Take care of your people, and let them take care of you.”

  Glenn hung up before Jed could respond. He stared at the phone for a moment, caught between the life he’d left behind and the one awaiting him until the sound of Max’s laughter called to him like a siren.

  He followed the sound outside to the yard. The sight before him made him smile. At the water’s edge, Dan stood with Tess on his shoulders. Raffi was beside him, teaching Belle to walk on her hands. Carla and Luke sat to one side with Saja and Carla’s elderly lab at their feet. All around them, Flo and Desta played chase, tearing in and out of the water, and right at the end of the jetty stood Max, shirtless, his shorts soaked.

  Jed took a moment to drink in the scene. It often amazed him that the many facets of his life fit so well together. For the longest time, he’d thought such a thing impossible.

  Desta spied him lurking and barked, giving away his presence. The spaniel bounded away from Flo and across the yard, preparing to hit him with a flying leap of wet dog. Jed stopped him with a stern word. Desta skidded to a stop and whined, but for once did as he was told. Tess wasn’t quite so patient. Somehow, Jed had missed her ditching Dan and darting across the yard.

  She jumped up into his arms as Max laughed again.

  Jed met his gaze and stared, feeling another fissure in his battered heart heal. He wondered if it would always be this way. For him, Max was the early morning sun, a cool springtime breeze, and a blanket of fresh white snow. His warm eyes were a guiding light in the dark, and the love they held was the only thing Jed would ever need.

  APPENDIX

  ALPHA 4

  Jed Cooper—shot in the upper leg (Command)

  Paul Brennan—killed in action (Second in command)

  Glenn “G” Hannigan—survived but retired (Medic)

  Lucas “Luke” Toussaint—shrapnel to the brain (Third in command)

  Beau Thompson—lost right leg below the knee (Engineer)

  Paulo “Raffi” Raffonelli—PTSD and retired (Weapons)

  Patrice “Patty” Delano—survived still working (Communications)

  Kip Harper—fatally wounded (died a week later) (Dog Handler)

  Saja (Specialist Dog)

  A VERY ROUGH AND SPARSE LIST OF JED’S MILITARY HISTORY

  Born 1974

  Joined up 1992

  Somalia 93-95

  Africa and beyond 95-01

  Middle East and Africa 01-03

  Iraq 03-06

  Injured August 06

  Home October 06

  About the Author

  GARRETT LEIGH lives in a small commuter town just north of London with her husband, two kids, a dog with half a brain, and a cat with a chip on her shoulder. She’s twenty-nine, and now she’s reached that milestone, she intends to stay there for the foreseeable future. Garrett has been writing just about her whole life, but it’s been about three years since she decided to take it seriously. According to Mr. Garrett, it was either give the men in her head a voice or have herself committed.

  Angst. She can’t write a word without it. She’s tried, she really has, but her protagonists will always, always be tortured, crippled, broken, and deeply flawed. Throw in a tale of enduring true love, some stubbly facial hair, and a bunch of tattoos, and you’ve got yourself a Garrett special.

  When not writing, Garrett can generally be found procrastinating on Twitter, cooking up a storm, or sitting on her behind doing as little as possible. That, and dreaming up new ways to torture her characters. Garrett believes in happy endings; she just likes to make her boys work for it.

  Garrett also works as a freelance cover artist for various publishing houses and independent authors under the pseudonym G.D. Leigh.

  Social media:

  Website: http://garrettleigh.com

  Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/Garrett_Leigh

  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/garrettleighbooks

  Cover art enquiries: [email protected]

  The Roads Series from GARRETT LEIGH

  http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com

  The Roads Series from GARRETT LEIGH

  http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com

  Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS

  http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com

  Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS

  http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com

  Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS

  http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com

  Also from DREAMSPINNER PRESS

  http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com

  Table of Contents

  Title page

  Copyright

  Acknowledgment

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Epilogue

  APPENDIX

  About the Author

  The Roads Series from Garrett Leigh

  Also from Dreamspinner Pr
ess

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